I recently sat down with a friend of mine to get his perspective on dating. He’s a 32-year-old medical resident, originally from North Carolina, who has been living in Seattle the past couple years. He isn’t an IJL client, but he is a single young professional currently out in the Seattle dating scene. He didn’t know what I was going to ask him, but here is what he had to say:

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What frustrates you about dating in general?

“Finding the right girl to actually go out on a date with – someone who is actually interesting enough, where there is physical attraction and chemistry.”

Through what method do you commonly meet women?

“Typically, in person or through friends is how I prefer. I use dating apps as a supplement.”

What dating app(s) do you use?

“In the past Tinder, but now Bumble.”

What are the shortcomings you’ve found when using dating apps?

“They need better filters. There’s a million people you have to go through to find someone you’re actually interested in. I want someone who is well educated with a great job, and there’s no way to filter for that on the apps.”

Where have you met women in person?

“Sporting events, when I was in school, public events. I’ve never found a meaningful relationship with someone at a bar.”

What characteristics draw you to a woman before you speak to each other?

“Someone who is smiling, laughing, well-composed and looks like she’s having a good time. I like a girl who is well dressed and attractive – fit and pretty.”

What kinds of things do you look for in a partner within the first 5 minutes of meeting?

“Physical attraction – thin, feminine and makes an effort. Personality – fun, bubbly, bright personality. She’s energetic and easy to talk to, so you don’t have to lead the conversation. I’m drawn to someone who is intelligent, smiles a lot and has a witty sense of humor.”

What’s your ideal first date?

“Totally depends. If I’m not sure and I don’t want to put in a lot of effort, then something easy like drinks and talking. If I really like her, then I’ll want to take her to some kind of fun event or activity.”

What turns you off about a woman on the first date/encounter?

“Not being physically attracted. Not looking like her profile. Not compatible personalities – not being confident or fun or talkative. When I have to do all the talking.”

In modern dating, do you think there is still a role for chivalry?

“Of course, but I’m a southern gentleman. Chivalry is not dead, in fact, it’s a must.”

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned in dating?

“Don’t feel rushed. Everything works out in the end, but sometimes it takes way longer than you want. It takes time to find the right person and it’s ok for it take long. In the meantime, just get out and enjoy life, meet new people and don’t wait for a relationship to come to you!”

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His answers reflect much of what I hear from our male clients on a daily basis – what they want, what they don’t want, what frustrates them. My favorite part was his answer to the last question – that it takes time to find the right person. Whether you’re 32 or 52, almost everyone is going to have some bad dates, some failed relationships and some heartbreak. What’s important is you learn from your experiences and failures, and always work to better yourself!

-Your IJL Seattle Dating Advisor,

Kayla